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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30143616">My life (but the better version)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wxrm_pxddxng/pseuds/wxrm_pxddxng'>wxrm_pxddxng</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Eddsworld - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Based on 36 Questions (Podcast), But kinda before too?, Fake ID, I mentioned it like one time, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jon (Eddsworld) is a nurse, Lies, M/M, Multi, Not really a major thing, Post The End (Eddsworld), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt, Tags May Change, Technically suicide, Temporary Character Death, The End (Eddsworld) (referenced), Tord (Eddsworld) has PTSD, Tord is Trans, and i sorta make jokes, barely, basically only parts and chapter titles, fake identity, rated teen for death discussion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:14:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,308</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30143616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wxrm_pxddxng/pseuds/wxrm_pxddxng</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(Immediate suicide mention warning) <br/>Tord kills himself at homeone unspecified day, a year after he destroyed the gang's house.<br/>He kills himself but he doesn't die. </p><p>He finds himself in a hospital, and there's a couple things wrong with that. <br/>First, his attempt was at home, nobody would've gotten him here. Second, he figured someone who was alive definitely shouldn't be. <br/>What happened? </p><p>(Polyworld later on)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edd/Matt (Eddsworld), Edd/Matt/Tom (Eddsworld), Edd/Matt/Tom/Tord (Eddsworld), Edd/Tom (Eddsworld), Edd/Tord (Eddsworld), Eduardo/Jon/Mark (Eddsworld) (mentioned), Jon/Tord (Eddsworld) (implied at the start but not rlly), Matt/Tom (Eddsworld), Matt/Tord (Eddsworld), Tom/Tord (Eddsworld)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1 - My life started when...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything began when everything ended. Okay, that sentence doesn't make sense, let me explain what that means. It started -"it" being the very story that's being read right now. You know, the story you saw when you searched up TomTord on AO3? Or maybe your friend James sent this to you in the middle of the night after he spent it writing this instead of sleeping? Whatever the case, it's starting now. </p>
<p>But what does the second part of the sentence mean? "When it ended" sounds edgy. Okay, yeah it totally is if you read ahead, but shhh. </p>
<p>In the case here, it ended means Tord's life. No don't click off yet, that's not the angst I meant in the tags. There won't be any characters mourning his death- okay, no, that sounds extremely depressing. What I mean by that, his death isn't the saddest part of the story. Okay, that's not helping my point either. </p>
<p>So, Tord was home alone one Tuesday night after attempting to basically kill his ex friends. No Paul or Patryk. He was completely alone. Just him and the apartment. Just him, the bathtub, and the toaster. Wait, what kind of porno is this? Oh, okay, this is going in a different direction. </p>
<p>What, you read the suicide tag on the story, you know what happens next. After taking off his prosthetic arm to not damage it with the water (even though it doesn't really matter since he's about to die), he stepped in. Then he grabbed the toaster and plugged it in, before taking it with it. Tord, no that's dangerous, what are you- he got into the bath, the toaster in his hands, he hugged it close to his chest once he got in. He hugged it like his life depended on it. Or, like his death depended on it. Which it did. </p>
<p>Before he knew it was happening, he was electrocuted, the electricity running through his veins, making him feel warm all throughout. He also got the weird feeling that he was being blown up like a balloon, he couldn't and would never get the chance to explain the feeling, because by the time he registered it, his mind and everything else was already gone.  </p>
<p>At least he thought that it was gone. Or didn't think therefore. Did the universe think he was dead? Probably. Well, in that universe his soul definitely stopped existing. Maybe not necessarily the memories it made and gave people, but the soul and brain was not there anymore. And neither was the body.  </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Tord was finally able to open his eye after an unspecified amount of time- hours, days, weeks, -passed. He had no idea, because, you see, he was dead through that, or at least that was what was expected.  </p>
<p>When he opened his working eye, white flooded his vision. And that was overwhelming when you only had one eye. He could feel bandages on his head and there was an IV connected to one of his- HIS ARMS? HE HAS HIS ARM <i>FUCK-<i> Oh no, just a prosthetic. Damn. After realizing it was just that, he eventually looked around, and he noticed that he was, in fact, in a hospital. The beeping of the machine next to him confirmed that. </i></i></p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Just when he got used to his surroundings, a person dressed in a sort of nurse outfit with pops of blue here and there- a guy when he looked closer. Damn, no hentai-like revealing dress. He was still cute though. Wait wait wait.<br/>That cuteness is awfully familiar. He felt like he knew this guy. But from where…</i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2. So I feel like I know you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Flashbacks, death mention, and bone mention in a metaphor for a pain that feels like stabbing</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The guy came in and Tord took a bit to get used to the familiarity. There was no way though, right? What the fuck, you're supposed to be dead? Not that it was bad someone he didn't mean to kill was alive after all but there was no way, right? He was definitely dead. What the fuck are you doing here, Jon? Tord manages to blink the memory itself away in that split second.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn't take that long after Tord realized who that was, then there were words to start pouring out of Jon's mouth. He was talking about his condition, it seemed, or going over it somehow. Tord wasn't fully listening. He was focused on trying to just push away the memory, but whenever he blinked, there were flashes of red, of explosions- and something on his arm felt like needles that were not just stabbing into his skin, but really painfully digging into the skin there, almost like those needles were digging down to his bones. When he tried to reach over to grab that arm, he remembered that he was in fact an idiot and doesn't have that arm anymore. Ugh, those kinds of pains were the worst, especially when you couldn't get rid of them. He groaned in annoyance. The groan had gotten the attention of Jon and he immediately looked over and stopped rambling about whatever he was rambling about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Is there <em>something</em> wrong? Other tha-"</p>
<p>
  <em>(Warning: Flashback start)</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He didn't even LOOK like he was dead. And he was talki-</em>
  <br/>
  <em>No, nevermind, he was definitely starting to look like he was near dying. The blue button up with the Red Cross symbol soon had the symbol missing and was much darker. The white walls around them disappeared, replaced by the open sky. In the time it took for him to blink once again, he found himself back there, back at his old place. Where he loved for a good few years, left, and came back. back where he had hurt Matt and Tom physically, Edd emotionally, and Jon completly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Blink</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Shots. A destroyed house.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"NO! MY EVERYTHING" "TOM! NO!"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Blink</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Blue, Emerald Green</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"...not going to take over itself!"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Red.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"-And THIS IS FOR MY FACE"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Magenta</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Blink</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Dark Green</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"-SAY SOMETHING YOU IDIOT!"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Navy Blue</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"S-something. Ehe...he...he-" </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> (Flashback end) </em>
</p>
<p>"-ellooooo? Oh no- you're crying what do I do? Wait okay- um. Breathe, okay? 4 seconds in, hold for 7 seconds, out for 8. Got it?"<br/>Tord couldn't nod. Or do that. Who was talking? What was happening? The giant robot suit couldn't talk. That didn't sound like Paul, or Patryk. Huh? 2 seconds in, 4 seconds hold, 4 seconds out. He probably messed that up. 3 seconds in, 5 seconds hold, 6 seconds out. Was that it?<br/>4 in, 7 hold, 8 out. 4 in, 7 hold, 8 out… 4 in, 7 hold, 8 out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Now you got it! Good!"<br/>Jon was now beside him, patting his back. He wasn't dead? Tord wasn't there. It was over.</p>
<p>"Why don't you hate me?"<br/>Tord asked.<br/>"Hate you for crying? There's nothing bad about that!"<br/>Tord looked at him, dumbfounded, blinking repeatedly again.<br/>"I killed you."<br/>"Huh? You just met me. And I'm alive! Maybe your brain's not fully awake. Oh, of course. I'm supposed to check what symptoms you still have. I'll write down concussion- how do you spell that? Cun cushion? I'll write it like that. Yeah"</p>
<p>He blabbered on while writing stuff into his notebook. Then he gasped.<br/>"Oh yeah! I need your name! We didn't find anything to identify you. Nobody was able to come and see you because of that. Do you remember anything?"<br/>Tord shook his head before thinking. Jon looked thoughtful but then he nodded slightly.<br/>And just like that he was gone.</p>
<p>What the faen just happened? The Norwegian stared straight at the blank wall in front of him, processing all the new information. He was found in a river as if he had drowned, someone called the hospital, he has no identification, his old neighbor who he swore he KILLED (watched BLEED OUT) (he couldn't stop remembering it) was alive and had never seen him in his life.<br/>He had a different arm. His face had bandages again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, whatever all of this was, he decided to think about his options. Maybe he was the afterlife and it was just weird dreams like these, he travelled back in time but at the same time both fully, he was experiencing some kind of pre-death hallucination, or those alternate reality movies are actually a thing. Jon didn't look remarkably younger or anything, so he could cross traveling back to the past out of his options. In fact he looked older, if anything. Maybe basing everything off of Jon was not reliable, but it wasn't like there was anyone else he knew conveniently around at this time.</p>
<p>Whatever the case, Tord realized something else. Jon is alive. Oh yes, such a new revelation. We didn't know that like over 10 paragraphs ago at all.<br/>But no, if Jon was alive and never met him, that's what it seemed like. So far, the alternate universe movies sounded very probable.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3. The perfect opportunity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as always, death mention warning</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As the time passed, and a lot more time passed for sure, Tord was thinking. For once in his life. Was it even his life? Would he be considered dead right now? A huge part of him still believed all of this was a weird dream, some specific version of hell made just for him. He felt like it would get worse, later on, become a nightmare. He wouldn't be surprised. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Despite the television playing almost the entire time, he had enough time to get lost in his thoughts. </span>
  <span>He was stuck here until- ugh, he didn't remember the exact time anymore until more things healed he guessed. A few days had already passed, but he could barely register them. Everything was moving so slow and so fast at the same time for him. It felt slow as if a day was a week-long, but fast as if the month that week was in was only 2 weeks long.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While being there he was supposed to remember his old identity and life and all that since he said that he forgot it but honestly? He'd rather actually live up to his own lie and forget than admit what he could recall everything. If he can convince others he forgot maybe he could fool himself too at some point. Those weird therapy-type things that happened to try to trigger his memories did nothing when he already remembered everything. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was just so much. He would rather focus on the shitty hospital TV in the corner. Nothing engaging was usually going on there, and right now it was just… mediocre. He could imagine it playing in the background of something if anything. Not enough to drain his thoughts out. He increased the volume, maybe that would somehow make it interesting or something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"-After that sudden earthquake in Little Oakmoor, a lot of victims had to move to the Oakmoor homeless shelter temporarily. Today, we are in front of the homeless shelter, and our newest journalist, Theodore Andrews will be asking them about their feelings while it was happening! Take it away, Theo!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lady at the news station looked towards the screen that showed a young, nervous man with a microphone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not interesting, he didn't wanna hear earthquake victims talk. From what he gathered, nobody died or was hurt so what was the point of asking people what they thought in the first place. Stupid Theo and his stupid questions to those stupid people with their stupid little problems. Tord decided to keep switching channels until he couldn't help it, he got lost in his brain. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tried turning to his side, hoping that just maybe he could fall asleep and stop thinking for an hour or two. But he just wasn't tired. And he hated how the pillow felt against the scarred half of his face, despite how old that already was, he could feel the pillow pressing into the bandages.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, as time passed he passed further, despite the fact that he felt like he drank 3 energy drinks, a coffee and a cola, he did eventually find himself asleep. Or the opposite because you don't exactly find yourself asleep, you usually wake up and figure that you can't wake up from being already awake, accompanied by the feeling of time having passed and realize that you were most likely asleep and wish you could go back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Either that or you're like Tord and swore that not a single minute passed, and you don't feel different so you must have only closed your eyes or taken a very short nap? Nope, when Tord used the TV to look at the time, it was the next day already. Time really was strange in hospitals, he figured. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Was it the hospital, really? Or was it him fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>switching realities </span>
  </em>
  <span>that caused a mix up? He had no idea. He also still had no idea what to do, since sleep doesn't give you the answer to everything, or someone would have already invented the cure for cancer by being asleep. That would be funny. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Imagine what the interview for that would be like. That guy Theo with his bright-ass red microphone walks up to some young person with a golden crab-shaped medal around their neck and goes like "So, how exactly did you find the cure?" And the person looks off into the distance, almost looking like they've decided to remember the comments of an entire novel before they respond, "it came to me in a dream" "The cure for cancer came to you in a dream" "Yeah" "If other scientist fell asleep before we could have found it sooner, ey" "Have you seen scientists" "I-" </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But no, sadly sleep didn't solve all of his problems despite how much he hoped that 'eternal sleep' would do so just a few days ago. He still didn't know what to do. He couldn't keep pretending to have forgotten everything forever after all. And he didn't exactly have a home here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it's not like he could just tell someone he remembered, that wouldn't really do anything even if they somehow believed him.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What was he supposed to say, exactly? "Oh yeah I totes remember everything about my old life, but you wouldn't believe me! I killed people. Then I fetched a robot I forgot- and the nurse? Yeah, he should be dead! More shit happened and I actually killed myself! Hey where are we going why does that look like a psych ward-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yeah, no, that was off of the table. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tord has grabbed two of the plastic flowers someone placed in the vase next to him and started moving them across the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He changed the pitch of his voice whenever he made the yellow flower move. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So do you remember anything?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'Yellow' asked the other flower. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The red flower, AKA Tord was then moved. His voice went back to normal, </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No, sorry! I don't remember anything at all! Nothing, nada, not even my name. I can speak all 3 Scandinavian languages perfectly if that helps somehow."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You have no known family here, nobody came looking for you, and you don't remember where you come from! That means we're going to have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill </span>
  </em>
  <span>you"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yellow responded. Tord was overdramatic, he knew, but he had no idea what would actually happen. He was wondering why he was afraid of dying a second time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think they'll kill you!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A voice suddenly came from the door, which had opened at some point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jon, don't do that-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tord said. Both of them sorta- I guess you can say they became friends over the days Tord stayed here. It's weird because Jon didn't have any name to address Tord by, but that didn't matter much. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"What I was saying is- you can stay with me- eh, my roommates and I! I'm sure they won't mind and we'll find space for you!!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jon offered, a small grin on his face as he spoke. Thinking about his opinions, Tord looked back at the flowers. This was most likely a bad idea… he's literally their neighbor. They would definitely see Tord at some point. And he wasn't sure if he really wanted to deal with those roommates, knowing exactly who Jon meant. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But… he also didn't want to stay in this boring ass hospital and well, who knows what will happen to him when he's healed. He wasn't sure how exactly he could kill himself here, and what was the point of letting himself heal for a few days, make friends with someone and then die- would he even die, or just be sent back? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Whatever the case, that didn't matter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah sure, if you think it's a good idea"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tord eventually agreed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 4. Spotted you in the park</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>kinda vague mut still, Flashback warning again</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He had agreed. A week or so ago he agreed to move with Jon after he recovered. He had no memory of doing that actually until Jon had brought it up again all like "Oh! By the way when are you planning to move in? Your recovery time’s like a week, right?" which at the same time reminded him of the exact time he'd be able to get out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that's why now he was in front of their place, basically empty-handed since he had no personal belongings, so it's not like he could bring anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh, wait, in his pocket, he had a phone and the case for his cheap off-brand AirPods, a paper clip, a cool rock he found, and plastic flower petals. I guess those don't really count as that though. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So that's how he was now standing in front of that house. To some extent, the earbuds helped block out the noise of explosions and yells and- </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, loser! Are you even listening?! Hey! </span>
  <em>
    <span>HEY!" </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh right, he was here too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, yeah, don't touch the diet coke, I get it"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"... That wasn't what I was saying but that too. How the fuck did you know-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You look like you would drink diet coke" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What's </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> supposed to mean!?" </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It looks like he wasn't going to get along with Eduardo, but what else was new? It wasn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>fully </span>
  </em>
  <span>his fault, he was just a terrible liar and needed to cover that up somehow if he wanted to keep his past a secret. He was lucky one of his bigger possible slip-ups happened way earlier around Jon who was, to put it nicely…slow at grasping things. Then again, Tord wouldn't believe it if someone told him the story either. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He managed to get into the house- apparently, they had a "spare room" but since Jon basically came in unannounced, the storage room was filled with shit nobody needed. Tord wasn't the type to snoop- Okay never mind, he definitely was the type to snoop. It seemed like mostly Jon's things though, what did that guy need all of these things for? There were a lot of pillows… a picture of what looked like a small, cowboy-looking guy with some other people that could be related to Jon, Eduardo, and Mark. Huh, okay. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And there was a mattress. I guess that works for now. Without a second thought, Tord put his entire weight on the air mattr-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"WHO KEEPS STEALING THE </span>
  <em>
    <span>FUCKING </span>
  </em>
  <span>DORITOS?!?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jesus Kristus, that scared the living dagslys out of him! Seriously, were they always this loud? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He just wanted to sleep, preferably forever but noooooo. Now he was curious. An argument started, Mark defending himself that he didn't touch any Doritos at all, Jon getting in the way and trying to stop them or something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Usually, Tord had a thing against loud noises for obvious reasons, but this was the teeeaaaa, and he was invested. So without a second thought, he grabbed the Doritos bag in the corner of the room and made his way out to watch what was happening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just like what he imagined: Angry Eduardo yelling from next to the couch, at Mark who was on the couch with his hands up defensively, Jon in the middle of them trying to defuse the situation, but handling it badly - standing there and trying to push them apart, waving his arms, etc. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He prepared to watch, but he didn't realize how loud opening a bag of Doritos could be. The entire room was filled with the sound of the plastic bag opening, and 3 pairs of eyes were soon fixated on him. Jon was looking at him, shaking his head rapidly while Eduardo's glare was quickly directed at him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"YOU!"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tord looked confused before he realized. Wait, Doritos. That was what he was LOOKING FOR. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was so dead (again). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A shiver of pure panic rushed through him despite the decently warm temperature the house had. He was done for. Jon's gaze was soon locked to him, and then he started glancing back and forth between him and the door. Tord looked back at the door and understood. He should leave.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But before he could even think to back away, Eduardo stood in front of him. He grabbed a handful of his shirt and then ripped the Doritos out of Tord's hand. Of course, he was still gripping those, so the package ripped apart and soon the chips were all over the floor. The one with the ugly-ass mustache stared at the chips, then glared back at him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"This is your fau-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"STOP!" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jon managed to shove them apart, looking frustrated now. Damn, it seems like navy blue grew a backbone for a second. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You, please, calm- no- sit back down at least…There's- there's more Doritos in the… The storage room!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was pointing at Eduardo as he spoke. Then the finger turned to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You… go- go to the park, mall, go somewhere else, and do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>else- I'll find you, somehow. Hopefully- probably." Jon seemed unsure about what he would do to help, he was just trying to defuse the situation. He seemed just as lost.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without a second thought and without pretending he had any belongings to fetch, he ran where his feet would take him. He soon realized it was the park. That was obvious by the sun shining on him, duh. But the front of the mall would have that too. Still, he was definitely in the park. Or was he?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>WARNING: (vague Flashback)</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span> Looking around at the sky, he saw that the clouds looked the same as they had looked from where he was beforehand, next, before he knew it, he saw them getting closer and closer. And when he looked at the ground it was getting farther away, and he saw the houses again. Was he dead? Suddenly he didn't see the ground, he saw red, and metal and buttons. He felt himself press one of them. A missile shot out of- of his prosthetic- of the robot's arm. The houses were destroyed soon enough. He felt himself falling, his right arm was burning and itching, and most importantly,  it felt like it was there. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>(vague Flashback end)</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everything was just fuzzy and mixed with old memories again and the memory- it ended when his robot crashed, and he was left seeing the blurry, burned land in the distance, arm and side throbbing until his arm went numb again and disappeared. There was a tall shadow right in front of him, he didn’t know trees could move- or speak. Wasn’t he looking at the landscape just a second ago? Huh? He blinked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Finally! You were gonna be blind looking at the sun like that, but I guess my shining face isn’t much of a difference! But still, you look less...lost!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He certainly knew he felt lost after he recognized that voice’s owner.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 5. Free from my history</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Matt was here. Matt. Was. Here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instant panic ensued in Tord's mind as he thought of everything that could potentially happen. He still didn't exactly have full proof of the whole multiverse idea thing, so he tried to figure out the following: </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If by some miracle only Jon and his roommates/toxic-ass boyfriends didn't know about him- maybe they just forgot. And Jon just looked naturally young. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He would try to figure out another option but nothing came up. If Matt remembered him, he would have a second theory, but that was also shaky. Since, of course, he had to come across the second least reliable person in his state of panic. You know, the guy who forgets names of people he literally lives with. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Can't I find someone with a brain cell?'</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he asked, not having a brain cell. Then again, he also wasn't sure if he wanted to meet someone like, let's say Tom in case he remembered him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So? What are you doing here? The park is cold. I'm only here because my neighbors are fighting again" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, so it was his fault that Matt was here. Great. Without asking, Matt ended up sitting down right next to Tord on the bench- wait when did </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> sit down? I guess they were both sitting down now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, yeah, I'm just… here. Stuff happened, and I'm basically homeless now, and so I came here" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't feel like revealing the absolute shitshow that got him here. No, thanks! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh! Really? You're lucky, our poolroom just lost all its water, if you dry it a bit you can live there! It'll be perfect!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If mold was perfect, sure. If he remembered right, wouldn't that be Tom's old room then? But that wouldn't make sense since Tord was unknown to everyone, so he never moved in and therefore never moved out. But wait, was this a good idea? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was so unsure. So he got lost in his brain all over again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Perfect…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He repeated what Matt had said while thinking about those possibilities. The voice beside him gave a hum and just grabbed his arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Perfect!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt also repeated, seemingly taking the repetition as Tord agreeing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wait no that's not-" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh? Oh, right! Where are your things?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't really have anything with me" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"SHOPPING TIME! I mean- I'm so sorry for you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"... It's fine?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"GREAT! Let's go!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And just like that they were off to the mall, no more questions asked. They spent the day there, and while it seemed to have been Matt's original plan to buy things for Tord, most of the bags that ended up being carried home by him were Matt's things- did he really need that many clothes? They were all the same shade of purple anyway. It was pointless. But for him, he got a bag of stuff including clothes, and he felt more relaxed about meeting the others at the end. He ended up deciding that he would need a new name - he wasn't sure why, but the idea of being called his own name made him feel sick. Maybe it was because he related it to the past, maybe his dysphoria decided that he needed a name switch again, but whatever the case, he decided that he won't keep it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That thought continued to run through his head repeatedly until they were home, so he was too distracted by it to notice that Jon, Eduardo, and Mark had stopped fighting. And he didn't pay attention to the fact that they were home now, but that was made obvious soon enough, when Matt opened the door and two voices came through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Took you long enough, if I cared I would have been worried."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Any interesting junk you found?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom and Edd questioned respectively, not bothering to wait their turn, so it ended up being more or less a mess of words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tord could understand them just fine though, despite the long times he spent away from them. He could never forget their habits. Speaking of Tord, he was just sort of standing in the doorway, the last bit of panic for the day rushing through him. They wouldn't recognize them, would they? He would just hope the name wasn't obvious enough. Maybe stealing the one from the news guy wasn't enough? Okay, no, that wasn't much of a common name. The only other person he knew who would have that name wasn't a person, but a fucking chipmunk. And not even the right color. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Hey, clothes are NOT junk! I was at the mall and I got-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Huh, could've sworn you were at the yard sa-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Actually I just realized, why would he be at- why would Eduardo be doing a yard sale in the first place?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right. There weren't any price tags. His lawn was probably just messy" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"His lawn was messy?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tord questioned out loud,  turning the heads of everyone involved in the conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I mean- whose lawn?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He corrected himself quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fin redde (Nice save) </span>
  </em>
  <span>he thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And who are you supposed to be?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom's empty eyes piercing right through Tord's soul. If Edd looked more threatening, Tord was sure he would say the same thing about his eyes. Then again, he could say much about all of their- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This is my friend! He didn't have a home! He's- what </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>your name?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A classic Tom facepalm was heard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So let me get this straight-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, that's gonna be hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"-you picked some one-armed hobo off of the street and decided to just take him here without asking us first, and you don't even know his name?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cola can was thrown at the one who spoke. Tord just felt stupid already. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matt put a finger to his chin, </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>looking like he was thinking. Then he nodded quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Pretty much, yes!!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom rubbed his head from the cola can, his head turned in Edd's direction. There was a silent conversation between them, followed by Edd poking Tom before replying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This might as well happen, you can stay."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If you say who the fuck you are"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tom added. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, the moment of truth. Or the moment of- what was the opposite of truth in English again? Distruth? Untruth? He'll go with untruth. All he had to do was say the name. He gripped his sleeve, trying not to hesitate too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? Did you forget your-"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm Theo. Theodore."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He managed to tell them, a smile crossing his face. A chorus of name introductions followed, including Matt who had forgotten that he already introduced himself like 5 times in the mall. He didn't listen, he already knew them. But… the anxiety faded away, slowly. He wasn't known. Now he was sure, he could start over as someone else entirely, someone completely free from his history. And so, eventually, a small smile found its way onto his face. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 6. An inconvinient truth can be easily erased</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Living here, it was like he had never left. Or in that case, it felt like he had never moved in at all. Like he was there for the first time. It turned out that no matter what, the room nobody was in was destined to become a horrible attempt to make a pool. And it failed every time for sure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Of course, the water was let out but… the smell was HORRIBLE. He could not stand it. Mold and fish- where did they even get fish? It was also a pain in the ass to get new furniture. Thankfully, him never being in there meant that there was no furniture that could have gotten wet. He bet that they would not have taken anything out before putting water in there. Still, the new (and shitty) furniture didn't excuse the rotten fish smell. Tord had probably used up all the air freshener that others would take a year to use up in the span of, what, a month? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Oh yeah, he has been there for a month now. Other than the fishy smell it was…okay. Food ran out easily, so bi-weekly shopping trips were a thing. Until now, they had apparently gone once a week with a shopping list and a second time to just refill on things that ran out. Now, twice a week, two of them would go, and then a refill trip on the weekend. Mondays it was always Matt and whoever he took, Thursdays it was Tom and occasionally whoever wanted to go, and Edd or Tord- Theo himself did the refill trips if needed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Speaking of him and the others, their relationship was something for sure. He spent a week being cautious in case they were just PRETENDING to not know him, but when it seemed like they really didn't, he relaxed a bit around them. And they were already relaxed anyway. Edd and Matt especially. They were relaxed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tom was another story. Tom didn't trust him, and he didn't trust Tom in return. Maybe it was some multi-universe thing like he could sense it through universes that Tord wasn't there to trust.. He felt like he was being watched like, all the time. Whenever he was in the kitchen, Tom was already there as if he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>he'd be there, for example. On the refill trips, he would always go with Tord. Like he didn't trust him to go get cola alone. He searched for Norwegian captions on movies as if he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>MOCKING</span>
  </em>
  <span> him for his habit of messing up words in English. Classic Asshole Tom. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So yeah, him and Tom were a problem, and it was all Tom's fault for not liking him. But I guess it didn't seem like he hated him, so Tord not-hated him back because of that. They were like Tom (hah) and Jerry, not necessarily enemies all the time but destined to at least be rivals across universes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Don't even get him started on universes. Tord was constantly trying to figure out what the deal with this one is. He only knew a few so far. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-his roommates and his neighbors had no clue who he was</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-the room he was living in used to be a pool</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-Jon was a nurse (he wasn't sure if that one was a difference or a realization, he didn't know enough but he assumed it's different)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had come to the conclusion that his self from here must still be in Norway. As in the first time, not the "I'm going to the big city" lie time he was in Norway. He had never come here at all, that seemed to be the case. Which was good, he didn't want to come across himself. He had thought about cutting off his horn-hair to be less recognizable but…why would he do that? It looked good and there wasn't any danger to be caught. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Especially not when he already built up his fake identity in all ways that he could. He was experienced with name changes after all, but the problem was he didn't just change his name, he had to build up an entire identity from nothing. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He hated to admit it but Tom actually… helped him with that. The one time Tord being trans and his surgery scars being visible was helpful and not a cause for annoying questions was this time. Actually, it was the reason he DIDN'T get asked annoying questions. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tom explained to him that you can get your name changed illegally on your own. Basically, back when it happened to Tom himself, he was afraid of getting asked invasive questions including what toys he played with as a child or who he was attracted to (as if that had something to do with it), so he just found a way. A friend of his knew a friend who had a way of changing those files. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And in Tord's case, to add new ones. It was surprisingly easy to make it so they thought that he moved here without his name change and wasn't registered here under any name, and Tom really couldn't care about that happening illegally or legally. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So that was his official story: He came here somehow, he doesn't want to get registered under his deadname just for the sake of changing it by having to see a therapist again for a year and then getting asked invasive questions in court, so he was under this one now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was Theodore Hansen. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After Tom helped him, Tord felt differently about him. He didn't hate him, or he wouldn't have helped. But then why was he always-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You've been zoning out this entire time." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Edd pointed out from next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Was turning off the captions for once a bad idea? Yeah, probably. You messed up on infinitesimal last week"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tom chuckled slightly at the memory. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't even</span>
  <em>
    <span> use </span>
  </em>
  <span>that word!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To- Theo defended himself, crossing his arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm just teasing-" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tom nudged him, making Theo shrink back and Tom roll his eyes before he continued speaking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"-but yeah. Matt, turn them on" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A thumbs up from Matt and a button press later, and the words </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Mr. Benson ... representerer du alle verdens bier?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>were on the screen. Which one of them decided it was a good idea to unironically watch that? No idea. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The movie continued, he was lost in his thoughts again, and before he knew it, it was over and everyone was off to sleep. Everyone started leaving the room. First was Edd, he had run out of cola 20 minutes ago and didn't feel like getting up back then, but he got one right before he went to sleep. Then was Matt, saying he needed his beauty sleep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You definitely do" Tom had piped up, which caused Matt to reply </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And what was THAT supposed to mean?"  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Theo laughed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That little interaction felt so familiar and euphoric, it was like before he had ever thought about taking over the world, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>comfortable</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he wished for more like it. Even just watching it was enough, he doubted he would ever be a part of it, and that was fine. Sure, Tom clearly, undeniably, positively, unquestionably, and without any sort of doubt disliked him, but he could deal with that. At least they weren't trying to kill each other.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
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